dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
