Non-Jews are for practice
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
