Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need water and some morals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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