tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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