I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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