Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize