I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
smell my finger.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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