your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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