bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
