walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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