Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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