And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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