we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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