So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
