I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
