so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
