Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize