I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
