I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize