I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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