I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
