I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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