he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
