I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i dont even know how to be here
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
