he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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