you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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