i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize