I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
