When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
