she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
this is an emotional support booty call
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
