the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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