i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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