someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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