i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
