Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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