how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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