Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
