Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
