Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
