I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
