This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
