"it" just moved
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize