I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
