just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
