If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
