Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
