I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
