i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
