My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
