That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
