do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
