there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's get the cat blown out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
