why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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