The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
