Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
