The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
