i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
MIDGETS
????
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
