literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
