see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
