Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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