2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
