I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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