You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
