why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
