please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
