I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
