You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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