...so i touched it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
