Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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